The photographs I have of me with my children are, without a doubt, my most treasured possessions.


And actually, I don't have loads of them- I really dislike having my photograph taken. I'm much more comfortable on the other side of the camera, and since I'm the main memory keeper in our family, it's all too easy to find that there are no photographs of me from our days out or holidays.


Once, my eldest and I were looking through photographs of a family holiday from when he was much younger and he asked me, “where were you, mama?”  It broke my heart- because even though I knew that I was the one behind the camera, he only noticed my absence.


And, to be honest, I had been avoiding being on the other side of the camera. Since pregnancy, I’d moved up a few clothes sizes. My body had changed but I’d never spent the time to really figure out what suited me now, so I just kept pulling on ill-fitting clothes which no longer made me feel good. I was avoiding photographs to avoid coming face to face with this.


But actually, I started to realise that my boys didn’t notice whether my arms looked flabby or my clothes were no longer fashionable.  To them, I'm Mum- their source of comfort and support. I remember when I finally booked my first hair appointment since my youngest was born and excitedly told the boys that I was going to come back looking better. "Don't change anything," they whimpered, looking nervous, "we like you exactly as you are!"

 

Silhouettes of a mum carrying a fishing net walking up a beach after her children.

 

One day, your child will go looking for a photograph of you. Maybe you're no longer around, perhaps they are far away from you. They will be looking for a way to feel close to you again- they will want to remember how it felt when you held them.


My favourite photograph from my childhood is a simple black and white image of my mum holding out her arms to me. My parents, I feel fortunate to say, took hundreds of photographs of my childhood, but they weren't photographers and many of these are simple, unartistic snaps. I don't know why I love this one so much, it just makes me feel how it felt when I was little and Mum looked after me; there's just something about it that reminds me of her love.

 

Me and my Mum- a simple black and white image of her reaching out to pick me up that is framed in my bedroom.

 

And so, although I don't have enough images of me with my eldest in his first two years, I made a list of certain simple images I wanted to make sure I captured with my second: I particularly wanted images of me holding him and reading to him. And I realised that I didn't even need to be fully visible in the frame to be present in the family albums. If I was tired and didn't feel up to being photographed in my entirety, images where my hands are holding him evoke that sense of being held.


I sometimes use silhouettes, shadows, faceless images with my back to camera or close crops to show my presence, without feeling too exposed or totally visible.

 

A mum and her son create an offering to the dummy fairy, to convince him to give up his pacifier.
A black and white image of a mother carrying a baby and holding hands with a young boy as a moving train whizzes past.
A mother holding her baby in a field of wild flowers.

 

There's a quotation I read last year that really rings true:

 

A close up image of a mother holding her baby close.

"The photographs your children will care most about someday

will not be the ones that show how you looked

but the ones that show how it felt

                          for them to be loved by you"

                                                                           Joy Prouty


 

Often there’s one parent in every family who is the memory keeper: they are the ones with the camera or phone in their hand, recording special memories and capturing video or photographs of family life. But I know only too well how frustrating it can be when you come to make family photo books or albums, or when the school or Granny ask for a family photo, and you can’t find a photograph that you really like with you in it. Let me help you be present in the family photographs too.

 

 

If any of this resonates with you, get in touch and we can talk about how I can help you create exactly the sort of photographs you’ll want to display in your house now, the ones you’ll want your children to come across one day when they are missing you.


Because they aren’t just looking for photographs, they are looking for reminders of how much you love them, or of how it felt to be loved by you.


Don’t worry if you either you or your partner don’t like having your photograph taken, believe me I empathise and I have plenty of ideas and tricks up my sleeve for creating beautiful, connected images that you will love.


I have lots of ideas, ways to set you at ease or techniques to show your presence subtly- a hand holding theirs, or their head resting on your shoulder can speak volumes. 


Contact me for a no-obligation chat to find out if I'm the right photographer to create this legacy for your family.

 

My favourite image of me holding my own baby when he was six-months-old and we lived in Maidenhead.
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